Here I found a translation of the brochure "Relationsanarki i åtta punkter" by Swedish journalist Andie Nordgren. A ninth paragraph was added to the English translation. I like the text. It is not too long and offers concrete pointers for living better and more authentic relationships.
Ruth
May 14, 2024My comment refers to the link to the article on relationship anarchy:
The author lumps everything together and thus fails to do justice to the complexity and diversity of romantic relationships between people.
We use the same word for everything: "love," and yet it is not the same when we talk about motherly love, charity, erotic love, or friendly love. For thousands of years, human philosophy has distinguished between, for example, erotic love, which needs attractiveness and charm to be triggered and to be able to "love," and on the other hand, agape, the self-sacrificing, devoted love that finds the other attractive BECAUSE it loves them.
They all have one thing in common: human love is never, ever unconditional. Especially not in the long term, and above all not erotic love, precisely because attractiveness diminishes as everything becomes familiar and the appeal of the new disappears.
Even agape depends on something coming back, on the other person treating us and our feelings with care, because every love makes itself vulnerable. For a loving relationship to succeed, both sides must actively work at it and be willing to engage in self-reflection and commitment. Where this does not happen, vulnerability ultimately prevails.
Erotic love is characterized by giving oneself completely to ONE other person, and not to several. That is not love, but a sexual thrill. Here, too, the author does not differentiate enough. What is dismissed here as evil norms and rules is mostly what has proven to be viable throughout human history and is passed on in the form of morality within a society.
Doing as one pleases, or leaving as one pleases, or engaging with multiple partners at the same time has more to do with self-centeredness than with love, and with responsibility for the other person, because no one can do justice to several people equally in the sense of devoting one's life to them. As, incidentally, the reality in cultures with multiple wives shows to this day—there is deep jealousy and competition, even to the point of excessive demands.
When I read advice like this, I always ask myself:
What really helps to maintain and deepen a relationship, even through crises, and—since we're talking about love—which behaviors truly have the other person's best interests at heart and aren't just about satisfying my own needs?
Greetings from Ruth
stefano
May 15, 2024Hello Ruth, thank you very much for your valuable comment on the Manifesto of Relationship Anarchy. I can understand your thoughts from the perspective of romantic love and monogamous relationships. I share many of your observations, but I have to ask whether this is the cause or effect of our social conditioning and upbringing. From a cultural history perspective, it seems to me that monogamous relationships are linked to the advent of agriculture and are therefore a relatively recent phenomenon in human history. Best regards, Stefano